I look at my life as small series of steps. Some steps come with blessings and others with trials, but all together they make up my life journey. Weaved through these series of steps are moments that shift my journey through new territory, forcing me to face inner conflicts and challenging roadblocks. All of my moments of clarity are ushered in by maneuvering through various life transitions and steps. So as I grow in my Christian walk, I appreciate the opportunities of gaining an even closer relationship with God.
It’s hard to pinpoint the exact time period that I felt a shift needing to occur in my life. But when I reflect back to one particular moment, I find similarities to the bible parable The Prodigal Son. In the parable located in John chapter fifteen, a young son asks his father for his inheritance early, so that he may live his life the way he wants. The father agrees and the young son runs off to foreign lands and spends all of his money on frivolous items. After running out of money and having to work at a pig farm, the son returns home and asks for forgiveness from his father. His father embraces him and accepts his apology by throwing a big party. The son’s older brother was upset that his father was treating the younger son with love and compassion instead of banishing him for acting in a sinful way. The father explained that they should be happy because the son arrived back home and not focused on his transgressions.
My own prodigal moment occurred at a time that everything superficially felt right. On the surface I had all of my needs met.
My family and I had just bought a house, my husband and I were further along in our careers, and everything was just falling into place. I was appreciative of all the blessings filling my life. However, the more accomplishments that came the more I was drawn away from God’s plan by distractions. During this time I felt the need to fill my life with material things and surface level connections. I flowed through life easily, but my focus on what was in my life physically narrowed my understanding of God’s love over my entire life journey. I remember praying to God asking if we could continue in our blessings and He indeed blessed us even more than I could imagine.
But things suddenly changed. I no longer was feeling content with the tangible items in my life. My work life became a headache and getting up every morning heading into a job that I hated was wearing on me. My husband began getting frustrated in his position at work. By the end of the year, we both knew that a change had to take place. It was during this time that I leaned on my understanding of God’s presence in my life and how important it was to trust His plan instead of my own. Knowing that my plan only consisted of worldly possessions, I no longer felt secure on my path.
Although my life appeared like the definition of happiness on the outside, inside I was battling all sorts of negative emotions.
I couldn’t understand why I felt such an emptiness because I was living an uncomplicated life. But still my negativity rang loudly throughout all of my daily actions. No matter how generous of a person I was, it wasn’t until I realized that I had replaced my relationship with God with an unfocused mindset that I knew that I was living a life of sin. I was putting roadblocks on my own path that were interfering with my relationship with Our Father.
After realizing my mistake I ran back to God asking for forgiveness and repenting for my transgressions. I didn’t like the way I felt when my link with God was damaged, I wanted to remain in His loving grace and compassion forever. This repenting moment lead me to take a huge leap of faith and move outside of my comfort zone. My husband and I decided that it was time for a change and that we no longer wanted the weight of unhappiness to plague us. We decided to move forward with my Freelance Writing service and trust that God had placed the move on our heart for a specific reason. We felt that God had allowed my frustration with work to take hold, so that I would move forward with my true purpose. Making a decision to leave a safety net took courage and a willingness to follow God’s plan. It took me repenting for my sins and understanding that I was forgiven by God to move forward with loving my life again.
My prodigal daughter moment thrusted me into a new appreciation for life.
I now cherish the fact that Our Father allowed me to repent for my sins and come back into his loving embrace and graces. I understand how life is unfolding around me, so I know that this might not be my last moment where I find myself falling onto my knees and asking for forgiveness from God. But each time my series of steps become jumbled, I know that God will always be right there with me with open arms, no matter how far I stray. He will willingly embrace me with His arms of compassion. God’s loving grace has given me the opportunity to become a better servant to His plan for my life.
Thank you for reading my prodigal daughter moment, i hope it inspires you.
Natasha J. Bedford