5 easy steps to follow to Overcome disappointments in your relationships
Lifestyle

Overcoming Disappointments

Me and my sweet husband’s relationship has been pretty wonderful, whimsical, and very silly for the past few months and I have loved every bit of it. While in my happy little life, I forgot that disappointments and shortcomings exist. My little fairy-tale came crushing down this past week when Nathan and I got in a disagreement. I became disappointed, frustrated, and mad: I felt like my world was falling apart and all the sad feelings you can think of came crashing in.

Throughout my disappointment, I concluded while I was cleaning that there can be this lie running around in people’s hearts that our husbands, boyfriends, parents, sibling or anyone we are close to can never disappoint us.

If you are in a similar situation like me, let me remind you that when you enter into any relationship you are trusting your heart, thoughts, and feelings to a person who is flawed just like you. Know that they are going to make mistakes, have shortcomings, and disappoint you daily most of the time… assuming you are doing life with them daily.

After being in my feelings, soaking in all the lies, and slowly starting to believe that this was a make it or break it situation I realized that I didn’t have to focus on the disappointment I was feeling towards my spouse.

Maybe it is my optimist brain, but I started thinking about all the good things sweet Nathan does very well. The thought “ if we took more time to focus on what our friends and family do right, we wouldn’t be in such a painful state when they do things wrong”  crossed my mind. This statement hit me like a sack of rocks. It is true that when things go bad, we focus so much on what the person did wrong that we completely forget that for the past two, three weeks or months they have been doing so well.

Looking through the hurt, and forgiving the person can be hard. However, it is important to walk through the disappointment. If you have been struggling with overcoming disappointment, the following are a few tips/steps that can help you.

Calm yourself or distract yourself by doing something else. Write your frustrations down or simply walk away from the situation. This one is still a hard one to do, however, when I do I immediately see the difference in the situation.

Acknowledge your feelings. When you are hurt in a relationship, try your best not to ignore your feelings. From my experience with different people, many of them suppress their feelings. Suppressing your hurt does not help you or the person who did it. Learn to start taking that step in expressing your hurt and walking through it because that opens the door for healing to come.

Do a reality check.. Is it really that bad? There are serious hurts that takes a while to heal from, and then there are hurts that are simple and easy to forgive and move forward. Learn to ask yourself if it is really that bad, step out of your feelings and evaluate the situation. Be wise in your situations by not holding onto petty situations. Instead be quick to talk about it and forgive. Before you respond in any negative way that you feel towards that person, talk or yell or complain to the Lord about it because He can take it.

Develop positive thinking patterns. When many people read this, they think “ ignore my feelings, have pretend happy thoughts.” That is not what I am saying. Its okay to feel your hurt, but at some point you need to start moving towards healing. Remind yourself that simply because you are hurt, its not the end of the world. Remember that things will be okay even though it might take time. Lastly keep talking to the Lord about your hurts because HE GENUINELY CARES, take care of yourself, treat yourself, and talk to your friends as they are your support system.

Learn from your experience. Challenges in relationships are to grow and change a person. It is not a punishment when you are going through something, instead it is a process for the next season you are about to enter into. God is not the reason you are going through hard times and God is not to blame. Our flesh and spiritual forces of evil have plenty of reason to initiate such trials.

Overcoming disappointments is a hard thing to do. However, disappointments remind us that our parents, siblings, friends, and spouses are not perfect. They are equally as flawed as we are, they need constant forgiveness, grace, and mercy. It is still your calling to love them and give grace to them because you have received grace and love from your Father in heaven.

You can only give what you have received, if you find yourself to be unforgiving then there is a deeper issue in your heart than there might be in the person you have un-forgiveness towards. Disappointments also reminds us to turn to the Lord for direction, guidance, and to learn to love the people in our lives unconditionally, whether they deserve it or not.

I hope this post encourages you and draws you closer to the Lord. disappointment is sometimes the beginning of something better than you had before.

with freedom and grace,

Winnie 🙂

5 easy steps to follow to Overcome disappointments in your relationships
Are you struggling with overcoming disappointment in your life? Check out this post.

5 Comments

  • Robert

    Great advice for getting past disappointments in any situation. Sometimes in the heat of it, when we don’t take a moment to step back, it can feel more intense and pronounced. That’s not to say that the disappointment isn’t real, but we can become overwhelmed by the initial shock of it and fail to see how God can work through it or use it as a way to bring him more glory. Thanks for posting.

  • Colleen

    Great tips; I especially like the “reality check” one. That’s a good one to keep in the back pocket for any given situation, not just in marriage. It’s also a good idea to cultivate a “go with the flow” mentality for all the things you can’t control — A.K.A. everything except yourself! 🙂

  • Patricia G.

    This is such a great and convicting post for me. I have had many disappointing relationships just over the past month! Some of them are able to be repaired, some of them aren’t meant to be. However, I love your advice on taking one’s hurts and disappointments to God. I am the one who tends to hold my anger in because I am afraid of offending and hurting others, but then when it festers, I tend to explode. However, I am going to try to think more positive thoughts about even the people that hurt me and try to understand where they are coming from. Another thing that has helped me when people treat me or others I love unjustly is to remember that their treatment of me (or that loved one) has much more to do with them and their character than it does about me and mine.

  • Cailin

    Great advice! I especially loved that you suggested doing a reality check. When things don’t go my way, I often find myself getting swept away and swallowed up by my negative emotions (especially in disagreements with my husband). I make a big deal about a relatively small issue because I don’t put things into good perspective. Thanks for the encouragement!

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