Relationships

6 Ways To Not Allow Jealousy To Destroy Your Friendship

Have you been having negative thoughts towards your friend? Do you think your friend is prettier or smarter than you, maybe there have been thoughts you were having a month or a week ago. Friendships can be hard but with the right way of dealing with emotions and feelings, you and your friend can develop a healthy, fun and, uplifting relationship. I hope the following tips will help you be secure, excited, and confident in your friendship.

1) Be honest with your friend
There is nothing that kills friendship like hidden negative thoughts and feelings. I remember when I was in college and a girl I was friends with kept a lot of negative feelings from me that eventually it destroyed our friendships.
I wish she would have told me to give me a chance to work on our relationship.
I encourage you to talk to your friend, share your thoughts and feelings, and allow your friend to join you in making your friendship better.
Take time, think about your friend and the relationship you have. Maybe write down how you feel, then approach your friend.  This is the first step to the right direction.
2) Don’t compare yourself
For the longest time, i struggled comparing myself to my friends. If they were fun, connected better with people, or were just different than me I simply wanted to be like them or have what they had.
It’s easy to look at another person’s life and say ” I want her life, I want to be like her”, but in reality comparison is the thief of worth, identity, and confidence.
Comparison makes you believe the lie that how you were created was not enough. Know that your personality, uniqueness, and characteristics are absolutely purposeful. The Lord created you to be more than enough. You are masterpiece.
Down the road I realized that just like I struggle with something, so do my friends. However, it helps to be in a friendship where you can openly confess your struggles and have someone speak truth into those lies.
I challenge you to share your struggles with your close friend, allow them to speak life and truth into you.
3) Don’t hold grudges
Unforgiveness is one of those things that can eat you from the inside out. If you have unsaid feelings or hurt towards your friend then make sure to find time to let them know.
Before you talk to your friend, really think about the situation. Pray, meditate and then approach. Don’t approach your friend to talk about the difficult things with a confused, accusatory heart because that won’t bring the two of you to a place of resolving the issue.
SET YOUR HEART RIGHT FIRST. 
I remember rushing out to my friends when they would hurt my feelings. I realized that in the process of  rushing out and sharing my hurt, I end up hurting them as well.
Work to be a person who approach people with love, kindness, and mindfulness no matter the situation.
Make sure when you leave the conversation, you have resolved the issue and that the other person left uplifted instead of damaged.
4) Know your identity, and self worth
In relationships you can feel insecure, dependent, and have no confidence in yourself when you don’t know your identity and self worth.
In many of my friendships, I experienced hurt, pain, and misunderstood by my friends because I did not know my self nor my identity. I was not aware of how I wanted to be loved, or how I wanted to express myself.
I was so busy trying to be someone else that I missed my own unique personality and traits.
I challenge you to sit by yourself, talk to the Lord, and ask him to show you your identity and self-worth. Look up scripture about who the Lord has called you to be and hold on to that promise.
5) Pray for your friendship
Praying is so important in every area of our lives.
I encourage you to talk to the Lord about the friendship you are in. Let him know how you feel and he will give you insight into why you feel the way and how to handle it.
I pray for the people who are in my life, who unintentionally hurt me. When i talk to the Lord about them, he is able to give me more insight and clarity about the situation.
If your friend has hurt you in any way then I challenge you to pray for your friend about how they hurt you. Be specific and ask the Lord how to heal your hurt.
6) Pursue your friend
Many people are in unhealthy friendships out of loneliness or fear. They are stuck in it instead of wanting and desiring a deeper healthy friendship.
If you are in  friendship relationship with someone, then there is a reason for it. Ask the Lord the purpose of the relationship, and  how to pursue your friend. Find out the little things you can do for them and how the Lord can use you in their live.
A friendship rooted in Christ is so beautiful and life giving. Don’t settle for a friendship relationship that sucks the life out of you. If you see a problem address it, if you want adventure in your friendship create it,  and if you want uplifting moments, then start them.
You have the power and authority to make your friendship amazing and wonderful through the Lord. Seek it out and don’t give up when it gets hard.

Take time to praise, sit, bow down and thank the Lord for the people in your life.

Here is an encouragement; The Lord is with you no matter what season you are in. Friendships are beautiful and they are met to shape, mold, and push you closer to the Lord. Know that there is power, rest, peace and freedom when we listen and follow the Lord’s plan for our life. Don’t give up, asking the Lord to guide you and thrive on.
Walk well, I believe in you.
With grace,
Winnie.

16 Comments

  • Kristin Cook

    Good post, Winnie! I really appreciate your heart in this and I think it’s great advice to check your own heart before running to a friend. I have also done the “running to a friend” thing before checking myself.
    Also, you’re right, holding grudges is a big no-no, and that is sometimes a tough area for me!

    • Winnie Warner

      Thank you so much. That is such an encouragement statement.
      Sometimes when something is not right we don’t check ourselves first, we always want to point the finger.
      Oh girl of course holding grudges is hard, I totally understand.
      Keep working at it. It gets better every time and your heart feels free and light.

  • Anne Mackie Morelli

    Winnie, I enjoy reading your post. It is a great reminder that we need to invest in friendships and that making relationships rich and lasting – it takes transparency (both with ourselves and with others), honesty, comittment, genuniness and a willingness to work through issues. . And prayer, the act of covering the relationship and bringing the presence of God into the relationship is so important.

  • susanhomeschooling

    I always try to bring out the best in people. I don’t compare myself to others because they are good and some things and not good at other things. We are all like that, and we need to give each other grace.

  • Donna Miller

    This post is very encouraging. The Lord has had to literally step in at times in the past because I would not walk away from a toxic relationship. I am so much better now. I think as I started to see myself the way Jesus sees me, I started to value myself more. Thank you so much for this post! Blessings sweet sister … ❤

  • robertsang

    Thanks for the encouraging post and advice. This was exactly what Saul allowed to happen with David. Instead of delighting in his gifts and success like Jonathan did, Saul was envious of them and began to resent David and eventually God as well for blessing him. This is a challenge for each of us.

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